Saturday, October 9, 2010

Blue Toenails

The other morning when I woke up I felt really good. I mean really, really good. Which kind of worried me cause you know what they say about people just before they die...they say that they said that they felt better than they had in years. But anyway , I felt so good. I was raring to go. I had a thousand things to do and I was going to get them all done that day. I could hardly wait to get started. Then I got out of bed. Yea.....ok. Maybe I can do most of them tomorrow , you know?

Which brings me to the point I'm trying to make. People think I'm eccentric. Maybe cause I wear blue polish on my toes , but just on 8 of them. By the time I get to those last two I'm just too tired to care. Plus I don't think I can reach those two. Seriously , its always the same two . Well except for the time I only painted my two big toes. I was really not feeling good that summer plus I needed new glasses so I think those were the only two I could see. Do you know how long it takes for bright blue polish to grow off your toenails? It takes a long , long time. Yea I know they make polish remover , but in the time it would have taken to take it off , I could have painted 2 more. Which was my intention all along. I'm old. I'm tired. But I was going to paint about 2 a day until I got them all done , but after summer was over ,it just didn't seem worth the effort. So I'm not eccentric , I'm just tired!

Now that I think about it , it might not be the 8 blue toenails that make people think I'm eccentric. At least that's what I tell myself they think , except that one woman that called me just plain old crazy........but that's a whole nuther story. But I'm getting side swiped.... I mean tracked ...yea that's it...side TRACKED. Ok so it might possibly be my pink hair that makes people think I'm cr...eccentric. The pink hair was not just happened to be the first one I saw when I went to the store. They had a display of them up front. True , it was Halloween , but the others were wayyyyyyyyy back in the back of the store , so I weighed my options. Pink hair or walking to the hair or walking to the back. Well , I chose pink hair. I mean after all , it will probably wear off around the same time the blue polish does .....

I also have hot pink glasses and wear flowers in my hair.And although I'm really very shy I just don't want to be known as ordinary. I mean whats the thrill in that. When I'm gone do I want people to say ..." Oh yea-I remember her ..that ordinary old lady!" or do I want them to say , " Oh yea-I remember her....that cr...I mean eccentric old lady?" So tell me , which would you choose?

Thursday, October 7, 2010


I would have been a millionaire if it wasn't for Walmart. Seriously. If you take all the money I have spent at Walmart and added it up I would have been a millionaire. (I keep saying it because I can't believe it but its true) Just the other day I spent 100.00 dollars for a loaf of bread. I did! Forget all the other crap that I hauled home in bags and bags .... I didn't need any of it so that loaf of bread cost me a hundred bucks! Pitiful.

There is something worse though. Guess what my youngest sons first word was!! I know you think I'm kidding , but I*'m not. Depressed me for days. Did Walmart change him , feed him ( well ok they have the food and pampers but I have to administer them). Did Walmart sit up nights with him when he was sick? No they didn't? Guess who did? That's right! MAMA. But he didn't say mama first...oh no sir ree-he said Walmart. How depressing is that.

Ok say wal-mart is chock full of enticing items and various and sundry food stuffs. The first Wal-mart store was opened in 1962 so I am old enough to actually remember a world without walmart. And I made it fine ( would be a rich woman today) But think about it. None of my boys have ever lived in a world without wal-mart , not even my oldest son. Wal-mart to them is like breathing...always been there , don't think about it much.

Ok so here's another thing about wal-mart. Bad enough that I spend all my money (would have been rolling in dough) there , at least in the past , I got to pick out which needless stuff I carted home. But now , THEY have started putting things in my basket FOR me! I know what you're thinking. You're thinking that since shes been around since before walmart was invented that shes probably senile and putting stuff in her basket and forgetting. That is n......I lost my train of thought there for a minute...oh yea! THAT IS NOT THE CASE! WHY in GOD'S NAME would I even THINK I needed shotgun shells or baby food (have no baby at the moment) or a gun.for that matter.....anyway , this is what I think happens. I think they PAY people to follow shoppers of a certain age (old women) around the store , and when they turn there backs they put stuff in there. It's the only logical explanation . Because , most people may not take the time to return it , they just pile it up with all the other useless sh....I mean various and sundry items. So its a huge sales boost to wal-mart. Probably how they got to be #1. I never know what I'll get home with. I pull things out of my bag and I'm like "WHAT THE HE## " well you get the picture. I tell you , it would be just like Christmas morning , if I wasn't paying for it....

And think about all the time I have wasted in wal-mart! They must have subliminal suggestion or something piped through the air , that not only makes you want to spend money but also hang out there! I can wander around walmart for 3 hours today and then do it again tomorrow. And here's the thing. It will all be different stuff tomorrow! They have little walmart elves that work all night moving stuff around , that's all they do , just shuffle stuff so that it looks like a different place every time you walk in. Which keeps you there for hours. And I know you've all heard stories of walmart employees not knowing where anythingis. I'll let you in on a little secret. THEY KNOW!!!! I believe its all a part of a conspiracy. If they don't tell you where the sh... stuff is that you WANT , then you are forced to wander aimlessly for hours, therefore giving the cart stuffers a chance to fill your cart with sh...I mean stuff you DON'T want. But you'll take it home with you anyway because even if you notice it before you leave , do you really want to go to customer service and stand in line for an hour , and THEN try to convince the people there , that you did not purchase so and so , EVEN THOUGH it is on YOUR receipt and in YOUR cart? Well gotta I am not going to wal-mart , smarty! My husband asked me to. He said we needed milk , but I told him I only had 60 dollars...........