Hey I really miss ya'll...........

but I haven't had internet for awhile. I'm writing this from a friends house , if I still have any readers....just to let ya'll know I'm ok. I was afraid that some of you might think that my husband killed me over the snake.........anyway, hope to have my internet back on soon. Have a great christmas and see you soon.

Aging Gracefully

There are certain problems you run into when you have children at my age. Like remembering where you left them each morning when you drop them off at school. The teachers get really angry if you don't come back and pick them up. I guess they think you're out having fun , while they take care of your kids for you. In reality , you're driving around town trying to remember where you left them. If it's a really bad day , you're at home happily puttering away , having forgotten entirely that you even have school aged children.

Seriously though , the other day I read that experts say that women lose 10% of their brain cells when they're pregnant. I have 6 boys. If this is true , then I'm in deep *hit.

Something else I read: I read that your nose and ears never stop growing. That explains why my grandpa had such huge ears. And my grandma. I guess I inherited it from both sides and it seems that at the rate I'm going , by the time I get to be 70 , I'll look like an elf. Or with my luck , a troll. You want to talk to someone about aging gracefully , you better talk to someone that didn't have big ears to start with. Don't talk to ME about it , cause I'm pretty *issed.

My nose is OK I guess. It was kinda small to start with , so when I get old ( OK , I hear you snickering , I mean REALLY old ) maybe it'll be normal sized.

There's another problem that we women have as we age , that men don't have to deal with. The older we get , the bigger our purses get. I used to laugh at my mama and grandma about this. They would carry around these huge , suitcase sized purses full of God only knows what. Remember the show 'Lets Make A deal' ? The guy used to ask if you had outlandish things in your purse and if you did , you would win. I would beg my mama to go on that show , cause I just knew she could make us rich. Anyway , I SWORE that when I got older I wouldn't carry those huge purses.

Which brings me to the point of my visit to the doctor the other day. I try to avoid looking in the mirror as I get older , but sometimes its necessary, like when I'm brushing my teeth. So I was brushing my teeth the other night when I noticed that my left shoulder was about 2 inches lower than my right one. Which might not have been a huge problem by itself , but this also made my left arm look about three inches longer than the other one. Which gave me a slightly monkeyish appearance on that side. Well , I'm not one to run to the doctor over every little thing , but I feared that if I didn't go check it out , soon my arm would be dragging the ground , and then what would I do? Anyway , the doctor told me that my purse was too heavy! Well , I never heard such a thing! If he hadn't of tried to move it out of his way , and found that he couldn't lift it , I don't think he would have jumped to that conclusion. Can you believe that he suggested that I carry a smaller purse? Well I wasn't born yesterday you know, and sometimes you just have to do what you thing is best. I decided to just start carrying my purse on my right side , and I figured that after a few days things would even out.......................

By the way , have you ever noticed what women call their purses? My grandma called hers a POCKETBOOK. My mama called hers a PURSE. My daughters-in-law call theirs a BAG. I call mine a purse , and I guess when I get old ( er ) I'll call mine a pocketbook. I don't know how I skipped the part when I should have been calling it a bag. I guess I was so busy having babies I probably didn't even have time to carry a purse. I don't remember. That information is probably in that 60 % of brain cells I lost . Which leaves me with only 40 % to work with. I guess by the time I get really old , people will be able to tell how many children I had just by the way I act. Which should be interesting. I only hope that I'll have enough brain cells left to write it down...........

Just have a few minutes..........

Have to work today , blast it. Want to say that 'Twas the night before school started ' was a
' what if ' poem. Of course , I'm sure you figured that out! Our hamsters really did have babies , and I really did find the lost ones , much as described. That part is true! But I didn't really send them to school. I did however , REALLY think about it , but decided I would get in trouble or detention or something if I tried it. That blasted hamster had 7 babies. Should I name them after the 7 dwarfs?

When we discovered the babies , I was on the phone with my son , Toby. All my boys have a smart*ss kind of sense of humor ( don't know why ). Anyway , we were all screaming and and shouting about the babies. Jordan and Cane were hopping up and down excited. I was pretty frantic. I told Toby , "What am I gonna do?!! Won't they eat them? Don't I have to take the male away"? Toby said , " Calm down mama , yes all you have to do is take the male away". " How will I know which one that is"? I shouted into the phone. There was a pregnant pause and Toby said ,...................................." Well geez , mama , don't take the one with the TITTIES"!!! Don't ya think THAT would make a great title for a story someday?

Have a great day everyone , and I'll be back tonight , after I'm done doing something that actually pays the bills.

Twas the night before school started

Twas the night before school started , and all through the towns
mothers were rejoicing and acting like clowns.
The backpacks were packed by moms with care
Hoping that 8 a.m soon would be there.

The children were tucked away in their beds
While visions of freedom danced in moms heads.
And Dad in his boxers , and I in my gown
Looked forward to morning coming around.

When out in the bedroom there arose such a clatter
I ran to their room to see whats the matter.
"I need more water" , my son said in a flash
" Why certainly" I said , but my teeth they did gnash.

The moon through the window let me see
That a hamster was slowly creeping past me.
Then what did my twitching eyes behold
But another hamster and this one was bold.

I may be an old woman , but I dashed really quick
And caught those *amn hamsters with hardly a flick.
I was happier than ever I can honestly say
I rushed to the aquarium to put them away.

Oh my God! My Lord! What did I ever do?
Looking in the aquarium I saw there were no longer just two.
I was frantic , I was worried ,I was climbing the wall.
" Now *amn it , just *amn it , *amn it all!

As sure as I'm sitting here, this I can say
The hamsters had babies and in the cedar they lay.
So out to the medicine cabinet I flew
I don't know how many Advil I took
But it was much more than two.

And then in a twinkling I heard the sound of a claw
Turning real quick , do you know what I saw?
That last escaped hamster was running around
But I caught him in a sack , with a leap and a bound.

He was dressed all in fur from his head to his foot
(of course , cause he's a hamster) and he was covered in soot.
In the aquarium I let him out of the sack
And he looked up at me like he was glad to be back.

My eyes how they twinkled , my dimples how merry
I looked like I had picked the very best cherry.
But then I remembered , to great dismay
That we had baby hamsters , no way could they stay.

So I worried and worried , and clenched my teeth
And wondered if I would ever get any sleep.
What to do with all those hamsters , you see
Oh zippity do da , it's so great being me.

I'm chubby and plump , a right jolly old elf
I'm cheerful and kind and can laugh at myself.
So what did I do , I wondered , you see
To always have *hit happening to me!

I spoke not a word , but went straight to work
And filled all the backpacks , and turned with a jerk
And laying my finger aside my nose
from beside the backpacks I quickly rose.

I sprang to my bed ,and gave a sigh of relief
And hoped that I could soon drift off to sleep.
The next morning as I dropped the boys off at school
I heard people shouting and screaming with fright
And they heard me exclaim , as I drove out of sight
"Good riddance to hamsters , now I can sleep at night"!

I've been tagged..........

by smalltownlouisianagirl . Here are the rules :
1. Link the person who tagged you
2. Mention the rules on your blog
3. Talk about 6 unspectacular quirks you have
4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them
5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger's blogs letting them know they have been tagged

And my quirks are :

1. I am addicted to Sonic ice.........I buy it by the bag.
2. I have to lay on my left side to be able to fall asleep.
3. I don't eat meat.
4. I won't say bye on the phone to people I love....I always say I love you.
5. I have to have a fan on at night to sleep.
6. I am superstitious

Wow! I am more unspectacular than I thought. Bummer! Anyway , I am tagging..........

simplemom
Kim
Feener
Megan
Dawn
Tracy