Sunday, April 26, 2009

Sleeping With The Enemy

Although the cans in my pantry are far from neat , last night I was sleeping with the enemy. And though I don't usually call my family ' the enemy ' ......last night was a nightmare. Picture it : Doug , me , Jordan ,Cane and The Wiener Dog.......all in a bed built for two. Well , you can't really count me , cause I don't think the inch I occupied counts. I'm telling you , it was almost worse than the night The Hermit Crab got in the bed with us. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words , so I'll just show you what we looked like. Notice that even though The Wiener Dog has one , I don't even get a pillow.

Thursday, April 23, 2009

Honor Roll

So today they are having an awards ceremony at the school for the honor roll kids. My two boys both got honor roll this time. I do not see how that happened. One of them drags an empty backpack ( containing only a bubble gum wrapper and half of a plastic Easter egg ) back and forth to school every day. There is never anything else in it. Ever. I have even got out of bed in the middle of the night to go look and it was still empty. The other day he called me from school and asked me to bring his backpack cause he had forgotten it. So I drove to the school and handed the principal his backpack and she said , " It feels empty." to which I replied , "It is." She just shrugged and said she'd see that he got it. I have no idea why he needed it so desperately. I don't know.......maybe to bring the other half of the Easter egg home in? Who knows?

Anyway , the other boy has plenty of stuff in His backpack , I'll tell you that much! He has hundreds of papers , and candy wrappers , and toys , and empty glue bottles. And trying to read his papers are like trying to break a secret code. He crumbles them up in a ball so when we uncrumble them they look like maps. and they have been so tightly wadded up that we have to sit a plant or something on the edge to hold the paper down. Then we have to get a magnifying glass to try to read whats on the paper because it is criss crossed with so many lines from being wadded.....well anyway , you get the picture.

So I 'm just saying , I DO NOT SEE HOW THEY GOT HONOR ROLL. but if the school says they did , then it must be so. So the parents will meet in the cafeteria today and see the awards handed out. I of course , am very proud of the boys and will clap and beam accordingly. But I can't help but wonder why we parents never get awards .

Now I know I'm their mother and I'm supposed to do things for them , without expecting anything in return. Take for example , just getting them out of bed in the mornings to get them to school in the first place. I don't mind walking into their room and gently waking them up. I mean I would'nt mind , if that was the way it ever happened. HA! I walk into their room , and step on the skateboard , which sends me flying across the room , knocking over the crab habitat as I go by.Finally , I skate into the bed , where I'm flung down in a heap , onto THE WIENER DOG , who of course tries to attack me. So by then I'm not in a gentle mood , so I scream "GETOUTTATHEBEDANDPUTTHATDOGOUTSIDE!!!

Anyway, so imagine this scene 5 more times before they finally get up. Only I know now to watch out for the skateboard , but you can substitute roller skate, heely, hermit crab, cat, tack..whatever. The item doesn't matter, just know that there is always something dangerous waiting for me in there. So I finally get them out of bed , and they have 10 minutes to washeatdressgrabemptybackpackgetincardrivetoschooljumpoutandgetinclassbeforebellrings....but they make it. On time. I'm Wonder woman , I tell you.

Getting them into the bed at night , and to stay there,is just as hard as getting them up. It's like a 2 or 3 hour long process. Then around midnight , when you think they are asleep , one of them comes out to tell you that he left his shoes (the only pair he'll wear ) down in the creek. So you get the flashlight and go down to the creek to fish them out , THEN you have to wash and dry them. And you can't go to sleep until they're dry because you know , of the BUMP BUMP BUMP. THEN when you drag yourself out of the bed in the morning , he tells you that he's decided to wear a DIFFERENT PAIR OF SHOES!

And you know , when those boys see their teachers , they say , "Good morning , Mrs. so and so , how are you?" When they see me they say , "Did you get me anything?" Now don't you think that not slapping them deserves an award?

Tuesday, April 21, 2009

Finally....I'm back.....

and I'm so happy. I'll be posting stories tonight if anyone is still with me!