Saturday, July 17, 2010

Whose panties are these anyway?

The other day I was cleaning out my dresser drawers when I came across several pairs of huge , ugly granny panties. I shut the drawer , took a step back and made sure that it was , indeed , my dresser I was going through. It was. Going deeper into the drawer I discovered some tiny black panties that I had worn 15 years ago. Then I found some pretty , flowery , slightly bigger panties. Still investigating , I came across some lacy boy cuts that I remembered buying about 5 years ago. They were bigger than the flowery ones , but still cute and slightly sexy.

I sat down on the bed and tried to figure out who the granny panties belonged to. I racked my brain trying to remember if I had kept any of my grandmothers panties. I mean , why would I? Surely there were better things to remember her by. Well , after much thought and brain racking , I decided that there just wasn't an explanation. I wasn't upset. As mother to 6 boys , I had come across stranger things.

I gathered up the panties , went into the living room and asked my husband , " Whose panties are these anyway?" " How the heck should I know?" he asked. "Where were they?" When I told him that they were in my drawer he had the audacity to suggest that they might be mine!

Then he goes on to tell me how , if I was insinuating that he was having an affair with a grandmother and then stowing her panties in my drawer , I was way off the mark. I knew it was far fetched , but that HAD to be it. I mean they just COULD NOT BE MY PANTIES! Then I saw a light bulb go off in his head. " HEY!" he shouted. " I just remembered. I was with you when you bought those! I remember because we had a hard time finding panties sized in the double digits.........." He must have seen my face because he suddenly remembered that he had to do something outside.

Well , what a letdown! I have granny panties in MY drawers. Things were NOT supposed to turn out like this! I mean , I have become used to the hair dye , the spanx , the fixodent. The offers in the mail for Hover rounds and burial insurance don't bother me like they used to. I can even deal with the liver spots. But I refuse to keep my grand mothers panties in my drawer. I am going back in there right now and making her her own damn drawer!