Don't fall down......

Yesterday when I got home from work and picked up the mail, I had an offer from The Scooter Store and an offer to bury me for free. I decided to pass on the burial , but the idea of sliding around the house on my butt was pretty tempting. However , I kept having visions of getting hung up on the carpet and falling over , like Tim Conway used to do on that tricycle. Besides , I don't need no scooter. I still feel like I'm 16 , except when I'm awake.

Seriously, don't they think that these offers might depress us old people. I don't know about you , but I don't want to be buried until I'm stinking. Yesterday when I got that offer , I checked, and so far I still smell fine. I mean , I had just got home from work so I didn't smell like a bed of roses , but geez, I didn't need to be BURIED , for Pete's sake.

Which makes me think of something else: Every time I fall , I think about that commercial. You know the one. She falls and says, "I've fallen and I can't get up"! Luckily , every time I have fallen so far , I have still been able to get back up. When the time comes and I can't , and I have to utter those dreaded can't get up words , I am beating the $@it out of anyone that tries to film me while I'm laying there!

Well , I guess I'm done for now. I've gotten myself all worked up so I guess I better go in the kitchen and see if I can find some fibermucel or something to calm me down. Until next time, what ever you do don't fall down. Someone may come along and try to bury you!

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This is my son , Paul , and his family.Paul is the third from the oldest. Leave it to him to build an igloo when everyone else is building snowmen. And today is my grandsons birthday. Easy to remember cause its Groundhog Day!

My kids make my head hurt........

and my ears , and my legs and my back..............they make my hair gray and I'm pretty sure they are the ones that ruined my eyesight. All those nights of sitting up all night making a costume when you have nothing to make it out of except a needle , a paper sack , a maxi-pad , and 2 crayons. Because they didn't tell me they needed one until they were getting in the bed. Of course , they probably brought a note home , but they probably put it in the hamster cage so that " Cookie would have something to read".

My ears hurt because I hear HEAINTTHEBOSSAME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 4,000 times a day and my head hurts because they bicker allllllllllllll dayyyyyyyyyyyyy longggggggggggggggg.My hair turns gray because I worry so much , because my heart does not belong to me anymore. It belongs to them. My butt hurts because it only ever comes into contact with a chair for about 2 seconds at a time. And my poor old back , it bends to pick up shoes and toys and clothes constantly! It's overwhelming really! I'm not very organized so most of the time I don't know where anything is or what I'm supposed to do with it when I find it. *ell , half the time I don't even know what it is I'm looking for. So I live in a perpetual state of confusion , which if you ever meet me , will account for the stupid look on my face. But when I drag my tired butt to bed at night and lie down and feel all the little twinges and aches and pains , I know its because I did something that mattered that day. I spent another day with my boys. A day filled with ups and downs and fights and hugs and tears and laughter. And although I'm human and will not say that the whining and fighting did not get on my nerves , I can also say that since I am a mother what I will remember is :

Helping Jordan catch a frog

The smell of Canes hair in the sun

My 36 year old son calling just to tell me he loved me

Watching fireflys with the boys

Finding the birthday card my 25 year old gave me where he wrote " you are my rock mama "

..............The salt of our daily lives is generously peppered throughout the day with the little things that truly matter. So , although I may tell my boys that they make my head hurt , they will laugh and remember all the good things we sprinkled into our days.

Things that don't work around here

My left side mirror on my van doesn't work. It did until I let my little grand daughter practice driving. Out in the country with nothing around for miles but a cow fence. Yep, she hit it. Well she didn't so much hit it as just kind of drive down the side of it. Finally, I convinced her to get off of it but that's a whole nuther story. Anyway , so my left hand side mirror doesn't work. Did you know that you can't see vehicles coming up on the left side through the rearview mirror, or in the right hand mirror? You can only see things in the rear and on the right side with them. How ridiculous is that? I was gonna get it fixed until I learned that it would cost 200 dollars , then I decided to just deal with it, so I never go anywhere that I cant get to from the left lane. I discovered that if you stay in the left lane all the time , that it eliminates having to switch from the right lane to the left, thus avoiding the problem of not being able to see. I also discovered that I can go just about anywhere in our little city, in the left lane. True , sometimes I have to turn left when I don't really want to, but a couple of spins around the block usually gets me back on track.

My internet doesn't work . It did until the other night. I was sitting at the computer typing away, when all of a sudden my internet box started running across the desk. It scrambled all the way across the desk, down the side , across the floor, until it was stopped by the wall. It lay there for a minute and then tried to squeeze itself through the little hole in the wall from which the internet cable was coming out of. Well I just sat there for a minute contemplating. If you've ever been to my house, you would know that this is not very unusual, compared to some of the things that have happened here Anyway , I went to the door and cautiously looked outside in the direction of where the cable comes into the wall. I couldn't really see anything cause our outside light doesn't work . Just about that time I heard our dog, Scamp , growling at something in the yard. I went to get the flashlight, but it didn't work, so I went outside and tried to find the dog. Now this wasn't too hard ,since he's white and he was growling. He had something between his jaws , shaking it back and forth like bloody murder. I finally managed to get him off of it and peered down. I live in the country and anybody who lives in the country knows how dark it can be when your outside light doesn't work. After not seeing any movement from the thing lying on the ground I carefully picked it up and brought it up to my face until I could see that it was my internet cable. Apparently he had yanked it off the side of the house and ran out into the yard with it. When he ran out of cable and was jerked back, it must have made him mad, so he decided to kill it.

One of my drawers in the kitchen doesn't work. This may not seem important, but when you consider that I only had 4 to start with, to me that makes it pretty important. The whole front of the drawer just fell off one day. At first I propped it back up there cause it looked better you know? It has been broken for 5 years , but when the kids would come home for Christmas they would still try to open it and it would fall on their foot. So then I turned it around so that there was no handle to grab. They would pry their fingers in between the crack and STILL try to open it, so I took it off completely. It doesn't look very pretty leaning against the fridge , and the drawer is useless without it, but oh well .

My mop doesn't work anymore since I ran over it. Well that's not entirely true. It's much shorter than it was and bent to the right, but it still works if I crawl on the floor when I'm mopping, and only use my right hand. The icemaker in the fridge doesn't work, the freezer on the back porch doesn't work, and one of the commodes has gone on strike. I will soon not be working because I have figured out that I'm not making any money at it. My closet light does not work and my dryer only works 2 days a week, and then only if it isn't raining. One of the headlights on my van just stopped working, but that's ok. I'll just make sure that it's daytime whenever I go to wherever I can get to by using only the left lane.