Sunday, January 31, 2010

Things that don't work around here

My left side mirror on my van doesn't work. It did until I let my little grand daughter practice driving. Out in the country with nothing around for miles but a cow fence. Yep, she hit it. Well she didn't so much hit it as just kind of drive down the side of it. Finally, I convinced her to get off of it but that's a whole nuther story. Anyway , so my left hand side mirror doesn't work. Did you know that you can't see vehicles coming up on the left side through the rearview mirror, or in the right hand mirror? You can only see things in the rear and on the right side with them. How ridiculous is that? I was gonna get it fixed until I learned that it would cost 200 dollars , then I decided to just deal with it, so I never go anywhere that I cant get to from the left lane. I discovered that if you stay in the left lane all the time , that it eliminates having to switch from the right lane to the left, thus avoiding the problem of not being able to see. I also discovered that I can go just about anywhere in our little city, in the left lane. True , sometimes I have to turn left when I don't really want to, but a couple of spins around the block usually gets me back on track.

My internet doesn't work . It did until the other night. I was sitting at the computer typing away, when all of a sudden my internet box started running across the desk. It scrambled all the way across the desk, down the side , across the floor, until it was stopped by the wall. It lay there for a minute and then tried to squeeze itself through the little hole in the wall from which the internet cable was coming out of. Well I just sat there for a minute contemplating. If you've ever been to my house, you would know that this is not very unusual, compared to some of the things that have happened here Anyway , I went to the door and cautiously looked outside in the direction of where the cable comes into the wall. I couldn't really see anything cause our outside light doesn't work . Just about that time I heard our dog, Scamp , growling at something in the yard. I went to get the flashlight, but it didn't work, so I went outside and tried to find the dog. Now this wasn't too hard ,since he's white and he was growling. He had something between his jaws , shaking it back and forth like bloody murder. I finally managed to get him off of it and peered down. I live in the country and anybody who lives in the country knows how dark it can be when your outside light doesn't work. After not seeing any movement from the thing lying on the ground I carefully picked it up and brought it up to my face until I could see that it was my internet cable. Apparently he had yanked it off the side of the house and ran out into the yard with it. When he ran out of cable and was jerked back, it must have made him mad, so he decided to kill it.

One of my drawers in the kitchen doesn't work. This may not seem important, but when you consider that I only had 4 to start with, to me that makes it pretty important. The whole front of the drawer just fell off one day. At first I propped it back up there cause it looked better you know? It has been broken for 5 years , but when the kids would come home for Christmas they would still try to open it and it would fall on their foot. So then I turned it around so that there was no handle to grab. They would pry their fingers in between the crack and STILL try to open it, so I took it off completely. It doesn't look very pretty leaning against the fridge , and the drawer is useless without it, but oh well .
My mop doesn't work anymore since I ran over it. Well that's not entirely true. It's much shorter than it was and bent to the right, but it still works if I crawl on the floor when I'm mopping, and only use my right hand. The icemaker in the fridge doesn't work, the freezer on the back porch doesn't work, and one of the commodes has gone on strike. I will soon not be working because I have figured out that I'm not making any money at it. My closet light does not work and my dryer only works 2 days a week, and then only if it isn't raining. One of the headlights on my van just stopped working, but that's ok. I'll just make sure that it's daytime whenever I go to wherever I can get to by using only the left lane.


Elise said...

Oh, my sides ache, the tears are streaming and I may have even snorted out loud! So glad you left your blog address on mine today, so I could come by... Gee, my problems don't seem so bad now... he heh Or is it all just so familiar... I live on a ranch, but it doesn't sound quite as rural as yours... Either way, I HAVE EXPERIENCED the retracting cable conundrum! I solved it by taking and old ROAD sign and strategically placing it OVER the cable entry from the outside of my scraproom... THIS worked until my husband, who can't stand my "unsightly fixes..." removed my solution. I'm having the last laugh as the cable has disappeared from Granny's house {aka, my old scrap room!} I'm not mean, but I hope you get the idea. Living on a ranch has made me realize the immeasurable value of baling twine - GREAT STUFF! What my dad used to do with duct tape ... I can top with some good old bailing twine - no matter what color! Hee Hee

YOU are hilarious! I'm so glad you visited my blog today! What a world, eh! Left lane, baby! ALL THE WAY!



Lisa said...

Hello, I was just Blog-Hopping and ran across your blog. Very well written!


KAB said...

I find your stories extremely entertaining! Sorry I still try to open the broke drawer. Maybe someone will fix it someday. :|