Monday, August 25, 2008

Aging Gracefully

There are certain problems you run into when you have children at my age. Like remembering where you left them each morning when you drop them off at school. The teachers get really angry if you don't come back and pick them up. I guess they think you're out having fun , while they take care of your kids for you. In reality , you're driving around town trying to remember where you left them. If it's a really bad day , you're at home happily puttering away , having forgotten entirely that you even have school aged children.

Seriously though , the other day I read that experts say that women lose 10% of their brain cells when they're pregnant. I have 6 boys. If this is true , then I'm in deep *hit.

Something else I read: I read that your nose and ears never stop growing. That explains why my grandpa had such huge ears. And my grandma. I guess I inherited it from both sides and it seems that at the rate I'm going , by the time I get to be 70 , I'll look like an elf. Or with my luck , a troll. You want to talk to someone about aging gracefully , you better talk to someone that didn't have big ears to start with. Don't talk to ME about it , cause I'm pretty *issed.

My nose is OK I guess. It was kinda small to start with , so when I get old ( OK , I hear you snickering , I mean REALLY old ) maybe it'll be normal sized.

There's another problem that we women have as we age , that men don't have to deal with. The older we get , the bigger our purses get. I used to laugh at my mama and grandma about this. They would carry around these huge , suitcase sized purses full of God only knows what. Remember the show 'Lets Make A deal' ? The guy used to ask if you had outlandish things in your purse and if you did , you would win. I would beg my mama to go on that show , cause I just knew she could make us rich. Anyway , I SWORE that when I got older I wouldn't carry those huge purses.

Which brings me to the point of my visit to the doctor the other day. I try to avoid looking in the mirror as I get older , but sometimes its necessary, like when I'm brushing my teeth. So I was brushing my teeth the other night when I noticed that my left shoulder was about 2 inches lower than my right one. Which might not have been a huge problem by itself , but this also made my left arm look about three inches longer than the other one. Which gave me a slightly monkeyish appearance on that side. Well , I'm not one to run to the doctor over every little thing , but I feared that if I didn't go check it out , soon my arm would be dragging the ground , and then what would I do? Anyway , the doctor told me that my purse was too heavy! Well , I never heard such a thing! If he hadn't of tried to move it out of his way , and found that he couldn't lift it , I don't think he would have jumped to that conclusion. Can you believe that he suggested that I carry a smaller purse? Well I wasn't born yesterday you know, and sometimes you just have to do what you thing is best. I decided to just start carrying my purse on my right side , and I figured that after a few days things would even out.......................

By the way , have you ever noticed what women call their purses? My grandma called hers a POCKETBOOK. My mama called hers a PURSE. My daughters-in-law call theirs a BAG. I call mine a purse , and I guess when I get old ( er ) I'll call mine a pocketbook. I don't know how I skipped the part when I should have been calling it a bag. I guess I was so busy having babies I probably didn't even have time to carry a purse. I don't remember. That information is probably in that 60 % of brain cells I lost . Which leaves me with only 40 % to work with. I guess by the time I get really old , people will be able to tell how many children I had just by the way I act. Which should be interesting. I only hope that I'll have enough brain cells left to write it down...........

9 comments:

Barbara said...

I call it a pocketbook, my teenager calls it a bag. Two-matoe/Tah-mahto.
Keep up the posts, Ava. It is such a joy to read your musings.

Anonymous said...

Mine is a purse. And I don't like 'em. They're just a necessary evil that I tolerate :D

WVButterfly

Beth said...

Oh that was so funny about the purse! I did a post awhile back about the evolution of my purse, from a cute little clutch purse to the current 'junk-drawer-with-a-strap' type that I have now. lol Every time I start to pare down its contents, one of the kids (or my darling hubby) will ask me for some random thing that I just took out, thinking no one would ever ask me for it. *rolls her eyes*

Thanks for stopping by my blog today! I so love when people leave me comments-its like a weird sort of oxygen for me. (Wow, that just makes me sound SO pathetic!) Anyway, I'm glad you liked it. :)

Beth said...

If you need a life, so do I!

Too bad there's not a place to go get one. Like a Walmart for Moms. You drive in, they massage you, pamper you, give you a pill/drink/nap to restore your energy, then they reintroduce you to things you had in your Pre-Mommy days: the 'not-kid-friendly' music/shows/clothes/hairstyle that you enjoyed before the kids stole your brain cells and reduced you to slightly more than a walking zombie. (Ok, maybe you aren't that bad, but I definitely feel like it some days!)

I consider it an achievement if I get the kids looking presentable-I figure it doesn't matter if I am shuffling along in bunny slippers and a muumuu as long as I can point to two well put together kids. :)

dana said...

I LOVE LOVE LOVE your blog. I share it with my BFF and we laugh until we cry - especially me. Keep up the fantastic work - I so look forward to all of your stories. Thanks so much!!

Dorlene said...

Oh once again I'm in stitches. Ava your blog is so dang cute. Love the background!

Dawne said...

Oh goodness.. is THAT what happened to my arm..
I loved your blog! I read it to the hubby, we were both laughing so hard it was difficult to finish! :) Definately bookmarking for future posts!

Tyra said...

Ok lady... where have you been??? Hope that everything is ok! Miss your blogs!

Anonymous said...

Ava, I hope this comment will flag you. I had to go back this far to make sure that I was on the right blogsite. Now that I have found you again...
I don't know if you remember me. I have the daughter named Eva and we used to converse quite regularly. We live in TN.
If you remember me, please e-mail me at barbaraslocumb@mail.com.
I hope you do because I look forward to hearing from you!
Barbara