Monday, August 11, 2008

Back to school.................

It's almost here. There are 5 days ,7 hours and 26 minutes until school starts. Not that I'm counting or anything , you know? But gosh , this has been a loooooooooong summer. I love my boys more than anything in the world , but I'm ready. They are too , although they won't admit it. They are beginning to get bored and they fight constantly. I ought to write a book called "He ain't the boss a me. " I think every mother in the world would buy it , cause they can identify with it. I have heard that about a thousand times this summer.

You ever think about the tons of paperwork they have you fill out the first day of school? I mean , they ask you about 100 times what your address and phone number is. On different pieces of paper. I feel like I should just get a stamp made with my address and phone number and stamp all those blasted pieces of paper. They want to make SURE they can find you in case you don't come back to pick up the kids. And did you know that they check , before you get out the door, to make sure you're not using a fake address and phone number? I won't tell you how I found that out.................

Then when you get them settled in and think everything is going to go smoothly you start getting the papers sent home. I get papers telling me they are sending papers , then I get papers asking me if I received the papers! Last year I was going to be so organized....I bought little plastic boxes for incoming papers and outgoing papers. Trust me on this: Don't waste your money on little plastic boxes CAUSE THEY DON'T MAKE ANY BIG ENOUGH. If you have a
spare room in your house , just use that. Just open the door , throw em in there , and shut the door. You get used to it after awhile. True , when you need a paper , you'll have to wade through a room full of papers , but at least they'll all be in the same place.

Which brings me to the next thing I wanted to talk about. Fundraisers.Last year when I got home from dropping my kids off the first day of school , there was a message on my phone from the school telling me that the fundraiser had begun. I live 5 minutes from the school. I don't know why they just didn't tell me to my face , but I guess they were scared.......... I'm all for raising money for the school , but why won't they just send a note home like this:
ATTENTION: You must send $20.00 by tomorrow for our '2nd day of school fundraiser' , or keep your kid at home. We are serious: If you can't send the money , we understand , but your kid can't come to school without it.
Everyone would send it , believe me , cause it's been a looooooooooong summer, you know what I mean?

But can they do that? Oh no! They have to send home a big colorful brochure with a picture of the worlds best bike on it. It says:
ATTENTION: We are having a fundraiser. If your child sells 1000 bars of candy he may or may not receive this bike. If he sells 1-999 bars of candy , he will receive a balloon. Please support our school and your child in this endeavor.
Well , Holy *hit. I don't know 1000 people , and the ones I do know , half of em are diabetic or something. But there my little boys stand , with stars in their eyes , so excited that they are hopping up and down. And I tell you , they ain't jumping up and down because of the balloon.

Well, so you call everybody you know and after being on the phone for 2 hours you have sold 19 bars of candy. Only 981 to go. Twice. If you live in a really small town , you're screwed. I'm serious. I once lived in a town with only 618 people. But that's a whole nuther story , and I'm getting off track here.

Anyway, I can't send the boys out door to door alone , and their dad has better sense than I do , so he's not gonna do it. So the first house we go to looks like the Texas Chainsaw Massacre people live there. There are bones and stuff hanging from the porch. But there's a lot of candy wrappers in the yard so I figure they're good candidates. So after telling the boys to run get their daddy if someone pulls me in the door , I knock. My knees are knocking too.
"$20.00 worth-LEAVE IT ON THE PORCH!"
Well OK then, I think , how are we supposed to get paid for it? But about that time a 20 dollar bill slides out from under the door. Well , this ain't so bad , I think , as I lay 20 bars of candy next to the door.
3 hours and 15 minutes later we have only sold 5 more. But we had a goat and 2 cats follow us home , so I guess the day wasn't a total waste. I actually contemplated keeping the goat , thinking that it would make up for the bikes they weren't going to get. But being a smart woman , I decided that it would be easier to buy 2 bikes than try to upkeep a goat. I would have bought the candy myself so the boys would have a chance at the bikes from the school , but with 2 boys that would have been nearly 2000 bars. And after all , they won't feel left out when they hand out the prizes cause they will get the balloons. And besides , theres no room in the freezer because of the candy from the year before .......................


Barbara said...

You could of fed the candy bars to the goat! :>)
As of yesterday, I know have a teenager and a kindegardner, so the fundraising should be interesting!
Keep 'em coming, my dear!

Anonymous said...

I am now waiting on a bucket of cookie dough. A one pound bucket of cookie dough that cost me $16.00. That's a dollar an ounce! This stuff had better make some *fantastic* cookies.

It made the little girl down the street smile, though :)


Cris A said...

OMG!! Why don't they come up with a fundraiser that people will actually want to buy? Like, for ten bucks we'll keep your children an extra hour's fifty bucks for the whole week, knock yourself out! I'd rather have that then 50 dollars worth of wrapping paper!
And I JUST said something to my husband about helping me fill out all the stupid papers!!! Half the time I don't even read it!!
Good luck on the first day of school!
Hey by the way, would you like to buy a pizza kit? :)

~~tonya~~ said...

Funny!! I tagged you on my blog. Come check it out and I hope you participate.

6boyzmom said...

This should be interesting , since I haven't figured out how to do links , but I'll try!

Anonymous said...

I came across your blog on from your post on SCS...and I must say you are a great "Story teller" I have added you to my favorites so I can check back often :)