Tuesday, August 19, 2008

Moms are from earth.........Dads are from........somewhere else.

Moms are grounded in the earth , like mother nature . They take charge and know how to do everything. If a mom doesn't know how to do something , then she can ask her mother and she'll know. Like the saying goes , " Mothers know a lot , but Grandmothers know everything". We learn from an early age to be nurturing and giving. I don't know what happened to the dads. Men expect us to do everything. They can be rocket scientists or doctors , lawyers or wrestlers. It doesn't matter. The minute they walk in the door , they become helpless. My husband used to meet me at the door if I had been gone from the house for more than 10 minutes. Was he meeting me at the door because he had missed me so much? Not a chance. Picture it; I struggle to the door with both arms full of groceries and a boy attached to my leg. Husband opens the door and he says .................."I'm hungry."

Well , holy *hit , I think. Who cares. I've just spent 3 hours in Wal-mart with two fighting boys.Who gives a flying fig if you're hungry. But I don't say this. I just stumble to the kitchen , carrying my bags , while he trails behind me like a lost soul. I put the bags down , thinking
that someone must have stolen all our food while I was gone. But no , I open the fridge and see : sandwich stuff , half a ham , leftovers from dinner, fruit , etc, etc.
"Well , why didn't you make yourself a sandwich?" I foolishly ask
"You want me to fix my own sandwich?" he asks me , incredulously. I don't even bother to answer because we've been playing this scene for years. He just does not get the concept of feeding himself. It makes me wonder if I dropped dead today , if he would starve , or would instinct for survival kick in. Somehow I doubt it. I think when men get married , that instinct dies , along with common sense , and the ability to watch their own kids.

God forbid that I go somewhere and leave the kids under his watchful eye. To him "Will you watch the kids?" is translated as "naptime." Last time I left the kids with him , I came home to find him asleep and Jordan on the roof. The boys had eaten : a box of Popsicles, two bags of chips , a bag of cookies and some dog food. ( don't ask). No wonder Jordan was on the roof. I'm sure , after all that sugar , he thought he could fly.


And what about the dads that feel like they have to tell you everything , rather than do something about it. "Jordan is picking his nose." "Cane wants a drink." "Jordan needs to go to the bathroom." Good Lord , if I had of wanted a tattle-tale , I would have had another kid!

While the mothers feet are firmly planted on the ground , planning dinner , thinking about school clothes, wondering how the budget is going to fit all the bills this month, the dads are in la-la land making elaborate plans. They talk about : another car, a vacation , a condo , or whatever. It doesn't matter what it is , as long as it costs a lot .

I really believe they come from a different planet. I mean , they act like they wake up in a different world everyday. They will ask you where the towels are , even if they've been in the same place for 20 years. You can replace towels with any word. It doesn't matter. They don't know where ANYTHING is. They will even ask you where their shoes are , for Pete's sake. Like we wore them and left them in some hidden place , you know?

And around here , everything bad becomes mine.My husband has a bad habit of telling me that : I have a stain on the carpet or a bad apple in the fridge or a tear in the curtain. You get the picture. The other day he walked in the room and said "You've got ants." I looked down to see if ants were crawling on me , or if I had ants in my pants , but I couldn't find any. "What do you mean , I've got ants?" I asked. "Come see". I followed him to the kitchen where there was a little trail of ants happily making their way across the kitchen counter. I stood and stared at them a minute , then ran and grabbed a magnifying glass. "What are you doing?" he shouted. ( my husband , although 6 foot 4 , is scared of bugs) "Why don't you kill them or something?" "Just a minute." I told him . I carefully examined them with the magnifying glass , then looked at him and said " No. you're wrong. Those aren't MY ants. I've never seen them before in my life. They must be YOURS." With that I walked out of the kitchen and left him to deal with them on his own. Besides , I had to get Jordan off the roof.

9 comments:

Kim Wheedleton said...

I can just see all this happening! You have such a gift for pegging things just right...

Kim Wheedleton said...

Me again - with a blog award for you - the Brillante Weblog Premio! Go check it out at my blog post for today to copy the graphic. Then, you need to do these things:

1. The award may be displayed on the winner's blog.
2. Add a link to the person you received the award from.
3. Nominate up to seven other blogs.
4. Add their links to your blog.
5. Add a message to each person that you have passed the award to in the comments section of their blog.

Have fun!

Kim Wheedleton said...

Hey, there! About that image - you should be able to right-click it, then select "copy." Then go to your blog post page (where you're composing your post), then right-click again, then select "paste." That should work. Let me know if it doesn't, and we'll try something else.

Kim Wheedleton said...

And to make a link, while in edit mode of your post, type in your text box (where you type in your post), for example, Bugs and Bunnies. Then highlight it. Then click the little symbol just above the text box that looks like a green globe with a link looking thing on it. A box will come up, and you type in my blog address http://bugsandbunnies.blogspot.com. Then hit "OK." That will make the text Bugs and Bunnies link to my blog when someone clicks on it. For other links, you follow the same steps (but with different names and blog addresses, of course). Let me know if you need anything else...

Kim Wheedleton said...

Hmmm... How about this - when you right click the image on my post, do you get an option to "save" or "save as" or maybe "save image as?" If you click on any of those, it should bring up a box asking you what to name it ("blog award" is good) and where to save it (like "documents," or "pictures"). Then click OK. Then go to your post, click the little box across the top of the typing box that looks like a little picture (right next to the spell check thing), and it will open a box. Click "choose file," then look for the "blog award" you saved, click on that, and keep clicking either OK or "choose" or whatever it says in the little button. That should add it to your post. Let me know...

Barbara said...

Oh, Ava! My husband did that the other day...I was in the bathroom dealing with a frantic 5 year old with a spontaneous nosebleed and watching my 3 year old out the window play with the two puppies we still have left and my husband walks in and states that I have a small pile of dog vomit in the living room. Hmmm...it isn't my dog (she is his) nor did I give the dog the ribeye bone (he did). And by the way, where is his Bucs shirt? I didn't wear it last, honest.
My ex had a theory that the reason we can find anything and everything (even if we didn't know what it was or hadn't seen it years) is because we have a uterus as a homiong device and all they got was a 'Y' chromosome!

Cris A said...

I just spewed pop all over! Thanks for the laugh. Unfortunatly, I know it's a reality and nothing to laugh at. ;)

6boyzmom said...

See Barbara! I KNEW that it wasn't just MY husband! It's all husbands. Sorry about the spewed pop , Cris.

Anonymous said...

Ha! Ha! Ha! I remember posting this, Ava. Things really haven't changed that much!