Friday, January 22, 2010

Mammy's Mammogram

So the other day I went to get a mammogram. I was nervous as all get out and I KNEW it was gonna be painful. I mean , the way I had it figured was that if your boobys are squeezed every now and then , they get desensitized and it won't hurt as much. Well mine had not been squeezed in so long , I knew it was gonna hurt reallyreallyreally bad.

So after it's over I'm sitting there feeling abused and stretched and sore when the girl comes back in and tells me I can put my shirt back on. So shes behind me where I can't see her and she says,"By the way , your breasts look really good". I just about choked on my own spit! Nobody had said that to me in 30 years! Well I didn't know what to say but naturally I started talking anyway. I was a little embarrassed so I suppose I might have rambled , but it went something like this: "Why thank you! I don't really work out anymore (never have ) and I've had 7 children , but I don't guess they look too bad , considering. I do try to take care of them".

I have no idea why I said that. I mean it's not like you can put them on the treadmill and let them run, you know. Anyway , you could have heard a pin drop. During this PREGNANT pause , I started thinking.(usually a mistake)............I know shes not gay and even if she is , she isn't making a pass at you so don't get scared. I mean ( I was thinking) why would she? You're fif----well you're OLDER and shes like 12 or something. Shes just being nice. Women notice other women's bodies. Its ok for a woman to give another woman a compliment. Anyway , while I was doing all this thinking , it occurred to me that I should return the compliment , so I opened my mouth and said ,'' Yours don't look bad either". I swear I did.
By this time I had my shirt on and buttoned so I finally had to turn around (against my will) and she was just standing there staring at me. Then she said ,without cracking a smile ," I meant your mammogram". What could I say ? I mean , really what would you have said? Well you know me. I felt like I had to say something , so I said , "Well yours still look pretty good".

I tell you what. I am NEVER going back there again. And WHEREVER I go for the next one , I'm taping my mouth shut.


Kim Wheedleton said...

HA! I can always count on your posts to give me a good ol' belly laugh! And, I think you handled that just beautifully!

Speaking of which, did you know that January 24th is Belly Laugh Day? Who knew? Anyway, I plan to celebrate by reading your blog that day. :-)

Elise said...

MORE hilarity! I had my first one last year and thought I was pretty tough until they did the vertical squeeze.... OOOooooch!

I LOVE the comic relief... If I was the tech, you'd have made my day! {And I'm not gay!}

Not that there's anything wrong with that!

KAB said...

OMG did u really say that? Im still lol ing. THX

6boyzmom said...

Of corse I REALLY said it! You don't think I'd tell a story do you...........