Moms are from earth.........Dads are from........somewhere else.

Moms are grounded in the earth , like mother nature . They take charge and know how to do everything. If a mom doesn't know how to do something , then she can ask her mother and she'll know. Like the saying goes , " Mothers know a lot , but Grandmothers know everything". We learn from an early age to be nurturing and giving. I don't know what happened to the dads. Men expect us to do everything. They can be rocket scientists or doctors , lawyers or wrestlers. It doesn't matter. The minute they walk in the door , they become helpless. My husband used to meet me at the door if I had been gone from the house for more than 10 minutes. Was he meeting me at the door because he had missed me so much? Not a chance. Picture it; I struggle to the door with both arms full of groceries and a boy attached to my leg. Husband opens the door and he says .................."I'm hungry."

Well , holy *hit , I think. Who cares. I've just spent 3 hours in Wal-mart with two fighting boys.Who gives a flying fig if you're hungry. But I don't say this. I just stumble to the kitchen , carrying my bags , while he trails behind me like a lost soul. I put the bags down , thinking
that someone must have stolen all our food while I was gone. But no , I open the fridge and see : sandwich stuff , half a ham , leftovers from dinner, fruit , etc, etc.
"Well , why didn't you make yourself a sandwich?" I foolishly ask
"You want me to fix my own sandwich?" he asks me , incredulously. I don't even bother to answer because we've been playing this scene for years. He just does not get the concept of feeding himself. It makes me wonder if I dropped dead today , if he would starve , or would instinct for survival kick in. Somehow I doubt it. I think when men get married , that instinct dies , along with common sense , and the ability to watch their own kids.

God forbid that I go somewhere and leave the kids under his watchful eye. To him "Will you watch the kids?" is translated as "naptime." Last time I left the kids with him , I came home to find him asleep and Jordan on the roof. The boys had eaten : a box of Popsicles, two bags of chips , a bag of cookies and some dog food. ( don't ask). No wonder Jordan was on the roof. I'm sure , after all that sugar , he thought he could fly.


And what about the dads that feel like they have to tell you everything , rather than do something about it. "Jordan is picking his nose." "Cane wants a drink." "Jordan needs to go to the bathroom." Good Lord , if I had of wanted a tattle-tale , I would have had another kid!

While the mothers feet are firmly planted on the ground , planning dinner , thinking about school clothes, wondering how the budget is going to fit all the bills this month, the dads are in la-la land making elaborate plans. They talk about : another car, a vacation , a condo , or whatever. It doesn't matter what it is , as long as it costs a lot .

I really believe they come from a different planet. I mean , they act like they wake up in a different world everyday. They will ask you where the towels are , even if they've been in the same place for 20 years. You can replace towels with any word. It doesn't matter. They don't know where ANYTHING is. They will even ask you where their shoes are , for Pete's sake. Like we wore them and left them in some hidden place , you know?

And around here , everything bad becomes mine.My husband has a bad habit of telling me that : I have a stain on the carpet or a bad apple in the fridge or a tear in the curtain. You get the picture. The other day he walked in the room and said "You've got ants." I looked down to see if ants were crawling on me , or if I had ants in my pants , but I couldn't find any. "What do you mean , I've got ants?" I asked. "Come see". I followed him to the kitchen where there was a little trail of ants happily making their way across the kitchen counter. I stood and stared at them a minute , then ran and grabbed a magnifying glass. "What are you doing?" he shouted. ( my husband , although 6 foot 4 , is scared of bugs) "Why don't you kill them or something?" "Just a minute." I told him . I carefully examined them with the magnifying glass , then looked at him and said " No. you're wrong. Those aren't MY ants. I've never seen them before in my life. They must be YOURS." With that I walked out of the kitchen and left him to deal with them on his own. Besides , I had to get Jordan off the roof.