To my sons--Chris , Toby , Paul , Joey , Cane and Jordan.

Before I had you boys , I was nobody special. That changed the moment they put the first one of you in my arms. I became someone to be looked up to. You looked up at me then because you were hungry and you knew I was your Mama. I would have that honor , that specialness 6 more times , and it would last me all my life. One or the other of you, were always looking up to me. You looked up to me because you wanted to be picked up , or because you were hurt , or because you just wanted me to carry you around. As years passed you looked up to me and begged tp stay home instead of going to school that first day. Or you looked out across the audience at a school play , to make sure that I was there. When you did something good , you looked to make sure I saw. And when you did something bad you looked to see if you had been caught! You looked for me in the mornings for clean socks and at night for supper. You looked for me when a girl broke your heart. As you were handed your diploma you looked out across the sea of faces and somehow found me and our eyes locked and we smiled. When you handed me my first grandchild you looked at me as if to say "Look at this beautiful gift I'm giving you Mama." When you had lung surgery , you looked up to me from the hospital bed for assurance that you would be ok. When you had pneumonia , you looked up in the middle of the night to make sure I was still there. When you got married you looked at me and smiled at the tears in my eye.

As the years passed you didn't need to look to me for as many things , and physically I have to look up to you! You still look for me when you need someone to talk to , or when you miss me or when you're lonely. When you have good news to share you look for me. Now you look at me with respect and when you look at me I know what you see. You see someone special . Not because I think I'm special , but because you think I'm special. I often wonder what I did to deserve such an honor. When I look into your eyes and see the love shining there I feel the same way I felt the first time I ever held you. And I want all of you boys to know that whenever you look for me , I will always be there. Even when I am no longer of this earth , close your eyes and remember that I loved you more than anything in this world , and that I will be forever in your heart.

Does anyone know how to........

Do a strike through when you're posting and also is there anyway to make double columns? I can't find it on the templates.

A world without internet

I posted this on 2peas so some of you may have read it before but if not.........here you go.

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I wake up because I have to go pee and pea , and notice that its still dark outside. I look at the clock and see that it's only 4:30 am , so I stumble to the bathroom for the first pee , then to the living room for the second pea. I figure I'll get a quick fix , and then go back to bed. But theres something wrong. There are big red letters on my computer screen thats says "THE INTERNET IS NOW OBSOLETE." I rub my eyes and roll my mouse around and look again and its still there, so I go back to bed sure that it will be ok in the morning. After all, the computer is always doing weird things that I don't understand and this is just another one.

So the next morning I wake up and think I remember part of some kind of crazy dream about the computer. I go to the kitchen and turn on the coffee , wondering why I didin't have to pee. Then I go to the computer , and OH MY GOD, it wasn't a dream. The big red letters are still there! I peep out the front door to see if the world has dissapeared and see all of my neighbors peeping out their doors. The air is filled with a strange silence, you know, like on a snowy day.

Well, I'm still fiddling with the computer ( beating on it and cursing it ) hours later, when I hear a news flash on tv , that says that indeed there is no more internet. So I go back to bed, because I can't really think of any reason to stay up. I drift back to sleep , but my 7 year old son wakes me up begging for breakfast. I stumble to the kitchen, feeling sick and disorientated and fix him something. Then I go back to the computer and stare at the *amn thing. I almost throw it out the door, in all it's useless glory. But I can't muster the energy.

I spend a couple of weeks crying and wandering aimlessly around the house. I can't think of anything to fix for supper , BECAUSE I CAN"T LOOK UP ANY RECIPES. I feel like I am growing dull and stupid because I have nothing to talk about , and have not learned anything new ,such as who stole lawn ornaments and whether I should be offended by something, or who hates wal-mart, in 2 WEEKS. I havn't put on my mineral makeup because I can no longer watch the pod cast instructions , and haven't been grocery shopping because I can't print any new coupons. I don't know if my friends are alive or dead because I can't even do email. I am a stranger in a strange land.

Then one day , out of shear boredom, I pick up a book. Doesn't matter what book, not important to the story. I begin to read. I read the whole thing in 2 hours. A light goes off in my head (not the same kind I used to get from computer eye strain). No, this is a different light. It is a light that tells me there may be hope.

Long story short (cause you know, you get a lot more done when you don't have internet). I read, I begin to paint again, I make the costumes for the entire 2nd grade play, I write a book that becomes a best seller. I realize that I'm glad that I didn't throw the computer out the door , because I wrote it on Word, with no internet. My house is always clean and I learned to cook from scratch. My family lost weight because we ride bikes everyday , and I no longer need the mineral makeup because I now have a healthy glow to my skin. I go to bed at 10 instead of 2 , and don't have to get up 4 times in the middle of the night to go pea. My puppy no longer has to pee on the floor , because we now have REAL newspapers , and I'm just so FRIGGING HAPPY I COULD CRY. Am I glad that internet is now obsolete? *ELL NO!

How not to talk to kids

I guess by now you may have figured out that I talk too much and that half the time I don't know anything about what I'm talking about. But I do know a lot about kids. Well , boys anyway , since I have 6 of them. So I thought I'd give a little mini-course on how to talk to kids. Or maybe I should say , how NOT to talk to kids. No , I don't mean hiding from them or refusing to speak to them , as tempting as that may be at times. I mean , watch HOW you talk to them. Particularly those mom sayings , posed as questions , that every mom uses. Those kind of questions weren't really meant to be answered but little boys don't know this , and they're pretty honest with their answers. The other day , after doing something he shouldn't have and giving me some outlandish answer , I asked Cane , " Just how stupid do you think I am anyway?" He said , " well ,not real stupid , just kinda stupid." Of course I screamed , "What did you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he looked at me with his big blue eyes and said ,"but you asked me mama."

One day I also made the mistake of asking Jordan if he thought I was born yesterday. "No mama , I know you weren't born yesterday. You would be just a little bitty baby. You were born a longlonglonglonglonglong time ago weren't you mama? You're reallyreallyreallyreally old. You're older than any of my friends mama's. How come you're so old mama?" So I counted to 10 and then very calmly screamed "SHUTUP ALREADY JORDAN." So then he put on that hurt look and started whining "Jeez mama, you ASKED me and I was just trying to tell you. You asked me if I thought you were born yesterday and then you scream at me for answering .. I can't do anything right...you get mad if I don't answer you....you get mad if I do...........what do ya want me to do..I don't know what you want.....well fine , I won't answer you anymore............" "Shutup Jordan." I said through clenched teeth , as I pried the top off the Excedrin bottle. "Well fine , but don't ask me no more questions." I then tried to explain to him that I was only mad at him because he was mouthing off and he says , "I wasn't mouthing off. I was answering your question. You always said that I can talk to you about anything and we were having a discussion and if you don't want me to answer you then why do you ask me silly questions like do I think you were born yesterday..I thought you really wanted to know......but I guess you didn't so don't ask me no more..." Lord I love that child , but his mouth just won't quit. I don't guess I can punish him because I DID ask him.

You see where I'm going here? You just have to be really careful what you ask them. So ,due to my expertise , I thought I would compose a list of what not to ever ask .

DO NOT ASK LIST WITH POSSIBLE ANSWERS

1. How stupid do you think I am anyway? See above

2. Do you think I was born yesterday? See above

3. Do you want your face to freeze that way? This involved Jordan trying
to fit inside the freezer.


4. Were you born in a barn? Don't ask.


5. Do you think I'm made out of money? Yes.

6. What part of no don't you understand? The first part.

7. Who died and left you boss? If you die can I be the boss
cause Cane ain't gonna be
the boss a me



8. You have an answer for everything don't you? Yes, but you ask me too many.

9. How many times do I have to tell you? About 12.



10. Who do you think you are? If he's a worrier this could
lead to having to prove that
he wasn't adopted.

11. Who do you think you're talking too? If you ask this one he really
will think you're stupid.


12. What did I say the first time? He will repeat what you said
but he still won't do it.


13. Do you think money grows on trees? He will explain how money
doesn't grow on trees but
paper does and money is made
out of paper so he doesn't
see why he can't just make
his own.............


14. Do you want to live in a pigsty? This could cause a temper
tantrum about why he can't
have a pig.
16. If everyone else jumped off a bridge
would you jump too? Are they going swimming? or
Is it on fire?

What goes up must come down.............

but what falls down ain't never going up again. I'm talking about my body. Take my boobs for instance. Guess what? The bigger they are the harder they fall. That is a true saying. Oh yea , I was young once , with perky breasts , slim hips and flat tummy. Well OK, I never had a flat tummy but at least it LOOKED like a tummy. Now it just kinda looks like a.....beached whale or something. And it's true that you don't miss something till it's gone . Like my teeth.

Another thing. I used to be able to see my knees. I haven't seen them in about 8 years now. I assume they are still there , as I can still walk. I realize I may sound like a decrepit old woman . But it's just that I have quit trying so hard.I no longer feel like I have to have makeup on to get the mail. And take shaving my legs , for instance. I used to be able to zip that hair off both those babies in just a few minutes. Now , by the time I get one leg shaved , I'm so tired that I don't do the other one. I figure I'll do it the next night. But by then , a lot has happened and I'm even more tired , so I don't get around to it for about a month. By then , the first leg needs shaving again and , well , you get the picture. I haven't had them both shaved at the same time since Jordan was born. That would work out perfectly if they would start making Capri's with one long leg and one short leg. Then dressing would be easy. Each morning , I would just have to choose either a long right leg , or a long left leg pair to wear. Speaking of shaving , I just realized that I can't remember the last time I shaved under my arms. OMG , the way my life goes , it may have been years..........

Dressing used to be pretty easy. I could throw on just about anything and look pretty good. Now I have to decide if I want something that makes my stomach look flatter , or something to lift my bosoms , or something to hide my flabby arms. Or maybe a turtleneck to hide my neck. Trying to camouflage all of those areas at the same time is just too *amn uncomfortable , so I pick one each morning. I figure , if I try to move in different circles each day , no one will catch on and figure out that I'm falling apart , as they will only be exposed to a few horrible body parts at one time , as opposed to all at once.

Speaking of body parts , I once had a man tell me that I had a cute butt. He said it was shaped like a heart. I now realize that he was probably talking about one of those big , puffy hearts. I never was underweight. That's another thing I've given up. Dieting. I try to eat right , but I can't do diets anymore. I had to do too many at a time cause I didn't get enough food on one. And I take vitamins. I take one for my skin , and one for my hair. Then I have to take something for my inside body parts. And something for my bones. Then something for my brain ( I can't see where that one helps much ). Oh and a one-a-day something or other for ENERGY. Problem is , I have to take them at night , cause if I take them during the day they make me sick. And then I STILL feel like *ell the next morning , so I guess I use up all the energy at night snoring. And since The brain ones don't work all that well , I have to leave myself a note on the fridge to remind myself to take them. I dread the day when I forget. I'm afraid that I'll turn to dust , like something from Tales from the Crypt.