Thursday, May 29, 2008

How not to talk to kids

I guess by now you may have figured out that I talk too much and that half the time I don't know anything about what I'm talking about. But I do know a lot about kids. Well , boys anyway , since I have 6 of them. So I thought I'd give a little mini-course on how to talk to kids. Or maybe I should say , how NOT to talk to kids. No , I don't mean hiding from them or refusing to speak to them , as tempting as that may be at times. I mean , watch HOW you talk to them. Particularly those mom sayings , posed as questions , that every mom uses. Those kind of questions weren't really meant to be answered but little boys don't know this , and they're pretty honest with their answers. The other day , after doing something he shouldn't have and giving me some outlandish answer , I asked Cane , " Just how stupid do you think I am anyway?" He said , " well ,not real stupid , just kinda stupid." Of course I screamed , "What did you say!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" and he looked at me with his big blue eyes and said ,"but you asked me mama."

One day I also made the mistake of asking Jordan if he thought I was born yesterday. "No mama , I know you weren't born yesterday. You would be just a little bitty baby. You were born a longlonglonglonglonglong time ago weren't you mama? You're reallyreallyreallyreally old. You're older than any of my friends mama's. How come you're so old mama?" So I counted to 10 and then very calmly screamed "SHUTUP ALREADY JORDAN." So then he put on that hurt look and started whining "Jeez mama, you ASKED me and I was just trying to tell you. You asked me if I thought you were born yesterday and then you scream at me for answering .. I can't do anything get mad if I don't answer get mad if I do...........what do ya want me to do..I don't know what you want.....well fine , I won't answer you anymore............" "Shutup Jordan." I said through clenched teeth , as I pried the top off the Excedrin bottle. "Well fine , but don't ask me no more questions." I then tried to explain to him that I was only mad at him because he was mouthing off and he says , "I wasn't mouthing off. I was answering your question. You always said that I can talk to you about anything and we were having a discussion and if you don't want me to answer you then why do you ask me silly questions like do I think you were born yesterday..I thought you really wanted to know......but I guess you didn't so don't ask me no more..." Lord I love that child , but his mouth just won't quit. I don't guess I can punish him because I DID ask him.

You see where I'm going here? You just have to be really careful what you ask them. So ,due to my expertise , I thought I would compose a list of what not to ever ask .


1. How stupid do you think I am anyway? See above

2. Do you think I was born yesterday? See above

3. Do you want your face to freeze that way? This involved Jordan trying
to fit inside the freezer.

4. Were you born in a barn? Don't ask.

5. Do you think I'm made out of money? Yes.

6. What part of no don't you understand? The first part.

7. Who died and left you boss? If you die can I be the boss
cause Cane ain't gonna be
the boss a me

8. You have an answer for everything don't you? Yes, but you ask me too many.

9. How many times do I have to tell you? About 12.

10. Who do you think you are? If he's a worrier this could
lead to having to prove that
he wasn't adopted.

11. Who do you think you're talking too? If you ask this one he really
will think you're stupid.

12. What did I say the first time? He will repeat what you said
but he still won't do it.

13. Do you think money grows on trees? He will explain how money
doesn't grow on trees but
paper does and money is made
out of paper so he doesn't
see why he can't just make
his own.............

14. Do you want to live in a pigsty? This could cause a temper
tantrum about why he can't
have a pig.
16. If everyone else jumped off a bridge
would you jump too? Are they going swimming? or
Is it on fire?


Anonymous said...

Oh, my goodness! Some of these sound like conversations I remember Mommy having with my little brother :D He took everything you said literally. Daddy threatened to "cut out some of the junk food" we had been eating. Yeah, my little brother thought Daddy was going to cut him open! Good grief, child :-p