Wednesday, May 28, 2008

What goes up must come down.............

but what falls down ain't never going up again. I'm talking about my body. Take my boobs for instance. Guess what? The bigger they are the harder they fall. That is a true saying. Oh yea , I was young once , with perky breasts , slim hips and flat tummy. Well OK, I never had a flat tummy but at least it LOOKED like a tummy. Now it just kinda looks like a.....beached whale or something. And it's true that you don't miss something till it's gone . Like my teeth.

Another thing. I used to be able to see my knees. I haven't seen them in about 8 years now. I assume they are still there , as I can still walk. I realize I may sound like a decrepit old woman . But it's just that I have quit trying so hard.I no longer feel like I have to have makeup on to get the mail. And take shaving my legs , for instance. I used to be able to zip that hair off both those babies in just a few minutes. Now , by the time I get one leg shaved , I'm so tired that I don't do the other one. I figure I'll do it the next night. But by then , a lot has happened and I'm even more tired , so I don't get around to it for about a month. By then , the first leg needs shaving again and , well , you get the picture. I haven't had them both shaved at the same time since Jordan was born. That would work out perfectly if they would start making Capri's with one long leg and one short leg. Then dressing would be easy. Each morning , I would just have to choose either a long right leg , or a long left leg pair to wear. Speaking of shaving , I just realized that I can't remember the last time I shaved under my arms. OMG , the way my life goes , it may have been years..........

Dressing used to be pretty easy. I could throw on just about anything and look pretty good. Now I have to decide if I want something that makes my stomach look flatter , or something to lift my bosoms , or something to hide my flabby arms. Or maybe a turtleneck to hide my neck. Trying to camouflage all of those areas at the same time is just too *amn uncomfortable , so I pick one each morning. I figure , if I try to move in different circles each day , no one will catch on and figure out that I'm falling apart , as they will only be exposed to a few horrible body parts at one time , as opposed to all at once.

Speaking of body parts , I once had a man tell me that I had a cute butt. He said it was shaped like a heart. I now realize that he was probably talking about one of those big , puffy hearts. I never was underweight. That's another thing I've given up. Dieting. I try to eat right , but I can't do diets anymore. I had to do too many at a time cause I didn't get enough food on one. And I take vitamins. I take one for my skin , and one for my hair. Then I have to take something for my inside body parts. And something for my bones. Then something for my brain ( I can't see where that one helps much ). Oh and a one-a-day something or other for ENERGY. Problem is , I have to take them at night , cause if I take them during the day they make me sick. And then I STILL feel like *ell the next morning , so I guess I use up all the energy at night snoring. And since The brain ones don't work all that well , I have to leave myself a note on the fridge to remind myself to take them. I dread the day when I forget. I'm afraid that I'll turn to dust , like something from Tales from the Crypt.

3 comments:

Barbara said...

I just sent you an e-mail...

Barbara said...

Absolutely LOVE your idea for the capri pants! I generally only get 1 leg shaved at a time, but that is usually because we run out of hot water!(that is what happens when you have a bunch of kids!)
There is your 'Million Dollar Idea" - Go for it!

6boyzmom said...

Barbara , you know what else I was thinking? If they could make them where front and back didn't matter , then you could just turn them around so the leg would be on the side you needed! How about that?!