Monday, July 14, 2008

Bad Hair Day

I am a woman of little patience so I never do strand tests. Did you know that the hair colour you buy this month may not be the same as the one you buy next month? Even if it says on the box that it is the same brand and color? I think that the people at the factory sit there and say " OK , lets put a shot of this in there and see what happens?" Anyway , so once I was gonna cover my gray and bought a copper colored red as close to what I thought I remembered my natural color to be. Of course it had been so many years since I had seen my natural color that I wasn't quite sure...............

Well , I followed the directions ( except for the part about the strand test , cause I was in a hurry) and started putting it on my head. I took off the gloves cause they were just sliding around anyway , and how hard could dye be to get off your hands right? Then I decided I should leave it on an extra 15 minutes because my gray is pretty persistent ( resistant? ) and THEN I decided that I should put some on my eyebrows so they would match , and while I was at it I thought I would slap some ......you know.....down there. I've always been a matchy , matchy kind of girl. So I did my eyebrows , just took my finger and swiped some on , and then slathered it on down there and.............

HOLY MOTHER OF PEARLS!!!!!! Talk about one hot mama. I mean the thing was on fire! I felt like running around dragging my bottom on the carpet like I've seen dogs do , you know? Well , I jumped in the bathtub and started splashing water on that babie as fast as I could and finally got it off. Boy , I'll never try THAT again. To calm my nerves I went to the kitchen and got a cup of coffee and a magazine and went back to the bathroom. I sat down and started fanning between my legs with the magazine and that's when I remembered.................

The extra 15 minutes had been up when I slathered that stuff on my you know what. Frantically , I ran to look at the clock and saw that it had been on my head for an hour and ten minutes! I jumped in the shower quick and washed it out and climbed out and wrapped a towel around my head. I always had to wait until the boys were in bed to do stuff like this so I wouldn't be interrupted and I saw that it was now 1:00 am. I was exhausted so I stumbled to bed with the towel still around my head. I figured I'd get up in the morning and style my new and improved hair , and I'd be gorgeous , you know what I mean?

So the next morning my husband wakes me up shaking me and saying , " what happened to you?" "Nothing " , I mumbled , and went back to sleep. A little while later I got up and stumbled to the bathroom to do my business and was passing in front of the mirror and OH SWEET LORD!!!!! I staggered back against the wall , clutching my heart. It was ORANGE! Not like when you have red hair and people call you carrot top , but like pop sickle , crayola crayon kinda orange. And sticking straight up on top of my head. And my eyebrows? They looked like they had been finger painted on. I looked like Groucho Marx , only with orange eyebrows instead of black. Well I stuck my head under the faucet and got that mess good and wet so it would lay down and then started on my eyebrows.That's when I saw my hands. Yep , they were orange too, but that was the least of my problems. I scrubbed and scrubbed my eyebrows.I mean I scrubbed those suckers till they were raw.Finally I got them faded so that you would only notice them if you were looking at me.

I grabbed my husbands hat ( the one that said " Real men drive trucks" ) and headed off to wal-mart. There had to be SOMETHING that would cover that orange mess up. At Wal-mart , I figured I better stay away from anything red , and grabbed a box of Ash Blonde...or Brown. I don't remember but that part isn't important. Whats important is the ASH part. Do you know what happens when you put ash on any shade of red? I do. It turns green. I don't mean the 'think you see a slight tint of green' kinda green. I mean kool-aide kinda green.

I decided it was time to seek professional help. At the beauty shop they told me that to get it all out they would have to strip it and take it to palest blonde. For a moment the thought went through my mind that if I bleached DOWN THERE too , I'd be a real blonde. But then , like the girl in the cheap romance novel I remembered the ' her loins were on fire ' incident and quickly put that out of my mind. And I found out that when they say palest blonde they don't really mean blonde. They mean white. I'm talking white as the driven snow , white as a sheet , looked like I'd seen a ghost kinda white. But you know what? My gray was gone so I called it a day.

8 comments:

Kim Wheedleton said...

PLEASE tell me you took pictures! (Of your head, of course, not your "nether regions!" I laughed so loud the whole clan was clamoring to see what was so funny...

6boyzmom said...

Well heck naw I didn't take pictures! Would you have? Have a great day!

6boyzmom said...

Oh yea Kim , I meant to say , " so glad you clarified WHICH pictures you meant!"

Anonymous said...

The first time I colored my hair, I had visions of things like this happening. I was terrified!

You sure did make it sound funny :D

WVButterfly

Dawn said...

Okay, this post is useless with out pics...Okay, not all pics of this is needed...LOL I was lol, so hard. This story is hysterical. Your a great writter.

6boyzmom said...

Thanks Dawn!

Linda said...

At first my thought was "another redhead" because that's what I was many moons ago, too. But, unlike the brave soul that you are, I use to have a pro do my hair! I imagined things like what happened to you happening to me if I tried to do it myself.

My second thought was why not just shave it all off and start over. Of course, if you haven't ever been that route, it's easier said than done! But if your hair is like mine, it grows fast.

Now you'll have a story to tell your grandchildren some day!

Dorlene said...

Where in the heck is your book deal? I think your life adventures are some of the funniest ever and I love checking in on you to see what's up next.