Monday, May 26, 2008

Vacation

Gosh , school is almost out and my husband has started that thing he does every year. He starts talking about wanting to go on a VACATION. Better known as TORTURE. And guess where he wants to go? West Virginia. We live in ARKANSAS for Pete's sake , and West Virginia is 19 hours from here. Like I am going to put myself in a vehicle with him , two boys aged 7 and 8 , and a weenie dog. Not gonna happen. Last time we went to Wal-Mart , I had to stop on the way and get Excedrin.

I love my family dearly , and would love to take a nice , fun-filled vacation with them , but I wasn't born yesterday , and I know how those things go. It would be pretty much like Chevy Chase's Vacation , without the happy ending. We went on vacation.........once. I promised God that if he got me back home safely and with all my sense , that I would never , ever do anything foolish like that again. Same way I promised (whimpered , cried and screamed ) on a roller coaster once. Haven't been back on one of those either.

OK, so the time we went on vacation , I started getting ready 2 weeks ahead of time. I wanted to make sure that everything was perfect , and that the boys looked adorable , and that we had plenty of snacks , and that Booker (weenie dog) had a nice clean crate , and that the house was clean before we left , and that the outside cats had plenty of food and water , and that ....................oh *ell , you get the picture. Anyway , so the day of departure , I load the van , get the kids in , get Booker in , and Mr. Wonderful , wanders out of the bedroom and says , "Are we ready?" Why *ell yea we're ready , no thanks to you. But I don't say that , cause this is gonna be a NICE TRIP NO MATTER FRIGGIN WHAT AND I AM ALREADY IN A BAD MOOD AND SO TIRED I CAN"T HARDLY STAND UP! So what I say is , "Yes honey , we're ready."

So off we go and I fall asleep as soon as he starts the motor , and am JERKED awake by "MAMA I GOTTA GO TO THE BATHROOM!" I sit up , blink my eyes and swear I feel better after that little nap , and my husband says , "So do you want me to just back down the drive way and let him go inside and use it. " Well, gee I guess so unless you want him to go behind a bush , I think , wondering if the 10 second nap between front door and end of driveway will do me any good at all. So we tell Cane that he has to go use it too , cause we are not going to be stopping for awhile , and of course Cane says he doesn't have too, but of course Booker does, so we get out , take the crate out , take the weenie dog out , and he just stands there. WHY won't dogs go if you're looking at them. They'll do ANYTHING else when you're looking , lick privates , do you know what to the furniture or another dog. They'll even do that in front of the kids , and then you have to explain to the kids what their doing , BUT THEY WON"T GO POTTY IN FRONT OF YOU.

Anyway , I'm off the subject. So back in the van and off we go. I fall asleep once more. I'm awakened by the feeling that someone is staring at me so I slowly open one eye , while at the same time closing my mouth , and guess what? We're on the freeway and theres a guy right next to us , keeping pace , and I don't know how long he's been looking at me sleeping with my mouth open , but probably awhile because him and his girlfriend are laughing uncontrollably. *hit! "How far are we?" I ask , wiping the drool off my chin. "10 miles ." he says. OH MY GOD.

And now the boys start , "mamamakehimleavemealonehowmuchfartherigottapeeimhungryandheainttheBOSS-A-ME!
Then the dog starts to howl. Do you really blame him? I would howl myself if the guy in the next lane wasn't still looking at us. My husband is hunched over the steering wheel like a madman , and that muscle (you know the one) in his jaw is twitching.

So 5 hours ,4 fights ,13 bathroom breaks, and 2 and a half (don't ask) food breaks later , we pull into Little Rock. That's right , I said Little Rock. We were just going on an 80 mile trip to kinfolks to have a little mini vacation. Yea right ,does he seriously think I'm going to WEST VIRGINIA?

16 comments:

Anonymous said...

hehehehehe...it was worth the wait!

And for the record, I think you *should* come to WV. We could have lunch :D

WVButterfly

6boyzmom said...

Oh , I didn't realize you lived there! My husbands brother lives there. We have been a couple of times , but getting there was NOT half the fun!

Anonymous said...

Yep, I'm a Mountaineer (otherwise known as a hillbilly). If you do ever come this way, maybe we can get together for lunch :)

WVButterfly

6boyzmom said...

Well I feel stupid now.....I guess thats what the WV stands for. Where at in West Virginia? And it would be really nice to have lunch with you! Having lunch with someone from 2peas would feel almost like meeting someone famous!If you have any ideas about doing blogs , please let me know. My readership was really good at first but has dropped day by day , and I fear it will disapear all togeather. I guess thats from not posting more? I'm working on trying to promote it and to be more consistant with posting. Well , have a good evening. I always look forward to your comments.

Anonymous said...

Cute story!

6boyzmom said...

I see on the neocounter that the only WV visitors are in Hunnington ,WV. Are one of those you , WVButterfly?

Anonymous said...

I love the long run-on sentence about the boy's complaints... TOO FUNNY (and oh, so true)!! :)

Anonymous said...

I'm not in Huntington, but I'm not not all that far away from there.

Where in WV is your BIL? Any chance you would end up near Huntington when/if you ever come back here?

I don't know anything at all about blogs (other than reading two of them). I'm guessing that the drop-off in readership is probably because the stories aren't closer together.

I know I feel a little bummed when I don't find a new belly laugh waiting for me :D

WVButterfly

6boyzmom said...

My BIL lives in Elkins. I don't know how far off the freeway Hunnington is , but I have seen the exit sign from the freeway when we went.

Krissy said...

Your stories are AWESOME!!! LOVE THEM!!!

6boyzmom said...

Thank you!

E said...

OMG! I think we're married to long lost twins! I swear anytime we take a "road trip" (def. anything that involves driving farther than the 15 minutes to Target) my husband calmly saunters out of the bedroom/bathroom/gets his a** off the computer and asks that same question. I had dreams that as my kids got older (they're 14 and 8) that it would get easier to get ready, but nope! Instead they've become a mixture of their father and a toddler who can't follow 2 part directions... And they all wonder why the farthest we've traveled is the the middle of the next state!

6boyzmom said...

e , now I don't feel so alone. And you know that I don't exagerate.Oh , he drives me crazy. And he has the audacity to complain that I usually sleep all the way there. Which is a whole nuther story , cause I don't like his driving all that much. But I just can't stay awake , no matter how hard I try.

lindsay said...

all that for 80 miles!?!?! if i were you...i'd go on vacation...ALONE! your stories crack me up!

6boyzmom said...

Thank you! You know what's so terible about my stories? They're true ( she said , as she wiped away tears ).

Anonymous said...

I think the fact that they *are* true is what makes them so darn funny! The best stand-up comics always said that the funniest stuff comes from real life.

I think they're right :D

WVButterfly

Oh, Elkins is in the northern part of the state but not so far that we couldn't still meet for lunch :)