Monday, May 5, 2008

The Tooth Fairy

Some things get easier the more you do it , but being the tooth fairy isn't one of them. I have been the tooth fairy for 30 years , and I'll tell you , it's not all it's racked up to be. Oh sure , it SOUNDS glamorous. Sparkly wings , beautiful dresses , and a little silver wand. HA! Try flannel pjs , spongebob crocs and somebodys t-shirt , depending on which one you grab. When I had my first little boy 35 years ago , I had stars in my eyes thinking about all the party's I'd plan , cookies I would bake and costumes I would make. When I had my last little boy 7 years ago ,the only thing in my eyes were my contacts cause I was too tired to take them out , and that stuff you get in there when YOU NEVER GET ENOUGH SLEEP AND KNOW YOU ARN"T GOING TO EVER GET ENOUGH FOR THE REST OF YOUR LIFE.

Anyway so I have been playing the Easter bunny ,tooth fairy and Santa Claus for 35 years. The first 30 years or so was kinda fun , but after awhile it gets old , let me tell you. I mean , what is fun about sneaking into your kids bedroom in the middle of the night and getting attacked by their dog? You ever try to find a baby tooth at 3 0'clock in the morning.....in the dark......while being mauled by a weenie dog? Not an easy job , I tell you. And sometimes I can't find the *amn tooth! Of course I leave the money anyway , and stagger back to bed , hoping and praying that the tooth will get forever lost , or the dog will eat it or something. So I'm lying there sound asleep , dreaming that I had big floppy ears , a white beard and wings , when I'm JERKED awake by , "MAMA THE TOOTH FAIRY DIDN"T TAKE MY TOOTH!WHY DIDN"T SHE WANT MY TOOTH MAMA?" (I should let you know that Jordan never says anything quietly. I guess he thinks that because I am OLD , I am also hard of hearing.) This is followed by sobs and wails as I lay there trying to figure out what to tell him. I can't tell him that she couldn't find it in the dark , because , well you know , she's MAGIC and can do anything. "Well, did she leave you money?" I ask. "YES MAMA, BUT SHE DIDN'T TAKE MY TOOTH! SHE DOESN"T LIKE ME." Well what could I say to that? So I said the only thing I could think of. "Oh no honey. The tooth fairy loves you. In fact , she thought that you have been such a good boy , that she decided to let you use the tooth twice!" "You mean I can get money for it again?" "Sure you can." I (*umb*ss) said.

Now I've got to do the whole friggin thing over again tonight , weenie dog and all.And when his brother gets wind of this , you can bet I'll have to pay him twice too. Oh and just wait until he tells all the kids at school. I bet I get a lot of nasty notes from mothers. I tell you, I'd retire if I could find anybody else stupid enough to do the job.

9 comments:

Anonymous said...

I feel your pain... we must be insane to perpetuate the myth!!!

Anonymous said...

hehehehehe! I love your stories :)

Tyra said...

LMAO I have had times like that before. But let me tell you, the fun stuff goes when they are playing w/your jewelery from your jewelery box, and find a bunch of envelopes, that have the date your kidlet lost said tooth, along w/misc notes on the envelope (where they were, anything unusal about it, etc), and a single (usually bloody) tooth inside. Try explaining THAT one! lol Just a hint for anyone that kept the teeth, and the kiddos found em, my son took the excuse that the Tooth Fairy knew that I wanted to keep them, so she left them for me, pretty well. Lame excuse, but what are you gonna do? Other than find a better hiding spot...

6boyzmom said...

Now that is funny , that they found your stash!

desirae said...

That's so funny that you told him he gets to use it again. If I were you, I'd buy myself a wand, just to carry around in case the dog attacks again.. you could make swiping motions at the dog with it, while looking for the tooth. I hope it went better the second time around.. (If not third times a charm..)

Beth said...

My daughter is 5 and has her first loose tooth, something I've dreaded since the day I became a parent. (hmm, well maybe since the day somewhere in her toddlerhood when it actually hit me that I'd be dealing with this)...

anyway, she is so melodramatic about this darn loose tooth. Every day she has me feel it to see if its getting looser...and heaven forbid I say "yes its getting looser" because she thinks she will somehow lose the ability to eat once it falls out. She also worried that it would never stop bleeding, that all the other teeth would fall out at the same time, and that somehow the loss of one tooth would kill her. *sigh* She is aging me horribly. lol

I found your blog on The Mom Blogs directory-I liked your title! :)

Thanks for a fun read! I agree with ya, laugh or else mommyhood will often make ya cry! :)

6boyzmom said...

Beth , one of my sons was exactly like that. But it's sweet and one day when losing a tooth is no big deal to them , you'll look back fondly. Thanks for letting me know where you found my blog . I have been trying to promote it , so it's always nice to know where my readers are coming from. I have several stories I'm working on...... just have been really busy with work lately. Wish someone would pay me to do this............oh well.

capirani said...

I have a letter I keep in my purse, written by my daughter when she was young and mad at me for something. Then she asked in the letter if the tooth fairy was real and if she wasn't real, she wanted all her teeth back! LOL

Brooke said...

I love hearing your "real life Mom" stories!